Cuddles the Urban Pirate

Cuddles the Urban Pirate is a mini-comic I’ve created (even ran the copier, and folded and stapled them by hand).  It is the chronicles of a band of misfit animals with eye patches (from cosmetic testing), wooden legs (from steel traps), and  the parrot is into s&m.  They travel America meeting other animals with similar tales of damage and damaged tails and help their new friends exact revenge on the humans that have wronged them.

Issues have been sold (issue 1 is sold out!) everywhere: cafés, bookstores, smoke shops, convenience stores, and of course online.

Tee shirts featuring the Cuddles as the Pirate “Jolly Roger” flag are available. If you would like a Cuddles the Urban pirate Tee Shirt, visit Subculture in Red Bluff, California or contact me here tees, stickers and copies of issues 2&3.  Check out photos of more Seismic City Tee Shirts.

No humans were harmed in the making of this comic.

WARNING:
CONTAINS ADULT THEMES AND CHILDISH HUMOR.
INTENDED FOR PEOPLE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR.

Meet the Cast!

Cuddles

Cuddles is a hero for the ages! Part Robin Hood, part Captain Hook, part Reservoir Dog, ALL CAT!  Cuddles’ one eye was severely burned in the testing of cosmetics, his leg was lost in the escape from the lab.

To this day, Cuddles reacts violently and without any control to all things fashion related or remotely glamorous. His favorite pastime is snuffing models and actresses, but don’t get him wrong. He is hardly a misogynist, nor is he particularly a feminist.  It’s all a matter of politics to him, and he justifies his maniacal onslaughts by claiming to liberate not only animals from the grasp of the fashion trade, but also the hapless women who greedily consume the products that have caused him so much grief.

Apart from that, Cuddles is the natural leader of the group insofar as he is one of the only members that has an sort of direction or ambition. His ambition?

What else? The cleansing of the evil he perceives in humanity!

Bunny Kung Foo Foo

Little Bunny Foo Foo went hopping through the forest, bopping all the field mice on their heads, so he already had attitude when he encountered the TRAP! It took a chunk of his ear and left a chip on his shoulder.

Foo Foo is voice of  gratuitous violence for the group as is, but like Cuddles, he has a few buttons for easy pushing. The first and main one is trappers, particularly those that do it for sport. The second is, of course, the Fur Trade. And the third is everything else.

Bunny Foo Foo serves as Cuddles’ right-hand rabbit, always eager to work over any of their foes, for “information extraction,” or no damned reason. Apart from work, Bunny Foo Foo enjoys all of the vices and ill-gotten pleasures of the world, particularly during these modern times.

He has one silver tooth. He doesn’t keep up on his oral hygiene.

Scrappy

Scrappy was being reared for exhibition fights with pit bulls and for over-extended security aggression. Unfortunately for his trainers, he didn’t have it in him.  While he still serves as both mage and muscle for the gang, he is at heart very mellow.

His one arm has been hexed by a Voodoo Woman for no particular reason.  It is withered and capable of minor spell casting and cursing, though it is incapable of lifting as much as a pencil. The other, mammoth, arm has over-compensated for this. The hump on his back just showed up one morning. Things like that seem to just happen to him.

Scrappy’s gotten into the piercing scene and an incident with an eyelid piercing in a mosh pit has left him with an unsightly gash across his one eye.

Polly

Polly is a parrot, the natural spokesperson for the group. She’s the diplomatic one and can compromise in every situation except one. She’s into S&M, but not consentual.

She has a metal claw to replace the one that was rotted due to neglect by the old lady who used to own her. Her life in captivity has given her a nasty disposition and is at the root of her sexual proclivities and peeve against elderly people.

Beyond that, she’s marginally schizophrenic, which stems from the dichotomy of thinking things like “Shove it, you old whore!” and being told to say shit like “Polly want a cracker.”

She hopes to expand her education and secretly vies for control over the group.

Nigel

Nigel isn’t the brightest mouse. He lost a hand and the tip of his tail in a mouse trap. Actually, two separate traps within a minute of each other. Both missing appendages have been replaced with hooks, which in the case of the tail, proves to be cumbersome to the little mouse, as he is forever snagging his tail hook on the carpet.

He’s had previous lab experience. They tested faulty intelligence-boosting drugs on Nigel, which has resulted in his spouting super-intelligent dribble every now and again. Usually, it has nothing to do with what’s going on, however.

Nigel doesn’t have peeves, despite the lab and trap experiences, but instead goes along with the others when they rant. He’s most interested in eating and sleeping, when it comes down to it.

Their Van

The Urban Pirates have an urban pirate ship – a ’77 Dodge Van.  It has been outrigged with a bow, a stern with captain’s quarters, a mast, crow’s nest and sail and even a life raft.  As time goes by, they acquire an Emergency Life VW Bug, and a blow-up doll figurehead.

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Copyright © Tom Boyle